To My Fellow 25-Year-Olds, Where Did Our Time Go?
Feeling unfulfilled? Time slipping away? How to let go of this dangerous mindset.
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I just turned 25 years old not too long ago, and for the lack of a better word, it’s strange.
I know I’m not that old, but I’m also not that young. I feel like I lie in between. Although objectively, I have only lived around one-third of my life. Do you feel this way?
Truthfully, I’m actually in disbelief that I’m already at this age.
When I imagined what 25 would look like, I thought I’d have life figured out. Well, not entirely. That would be silly and unrealistic because I’m only 25, right? Actually, who isn’t to say that you can’t have life figured out by this age? But I digress. Realistically, I just thought that by this age, I’d feel more content. It’s like I’m not satisfied with how my life transpired, nor am I happy with where I am now. It’s a sad thing to say, but I just want to be honest with my feelings.
But why exactly do I feel this way?
Truth be told, I feel as if time has slipped away from me. And I keep asking myself, what have I accomplished with this tiny life of mine?
When I reflect back on my life, it wasn’t too bad. Actually, I should be grateful. I survived immigrating to the United States and adjusting to a new way of life. I’ve had the opportunity to get an education, then a rewarding job that I was proud to have for a while. Then, I had the privilege to quit that same job so that I could travel abroad for a year. I have made some pretty cool friends along the way, and I’m closer to my family than I was during my teenage years. Sure, I’ve made some mistakes along the way. I’ve had a couple of experiences in failures. There are other aspects of my life that are not perfect. But based on the mentioned life experiences so far, it’s a life that most people wouldn’t even dare to dream. Objectively, I’ve accomplished a lot. So what exactly is the issue? Am I just an ungrateful prick? Is there something wrong with me?
I’m confused as you are. It seems to me that whatever I do, and wherever I am in my life, I haven’t accomplished enough. I want to do more. I want to have more. I want to be more.
And look. I know this isn’t anything new. All of this has been said before. I mean if you do a quick Google search, you’ll discover that there are a lot of people — from all ages — worried that their time has also slipped away. I am 20, is it too late to…? I am 30, am I too old to…? I am 25, how can I reboot my life? I am 40, is there a restart button? You get the point.
But I am here to ask, why is that? Why is it that, when people turn a certain age, we become tied with the task to deeply criticize our past? And in the worse form of it, why do we allow ourselves to think that all of what we’ve done in our lives were for naught?
At the root of it, I think it boils down to one almost-mandatory concept we all collectively put in a pedestal as a society: our sense of fulfillment.
Fulfillment comes in different forms, and it’s always different for each individual. Fulfillment may be felt after being financially secured. It may come after being able to win in a competition. Being reconnected with a loved one. Or more simply, and as valid, to have finished reading a book or watching a show.
As you can see, fulfillment in of itself isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s necessary. I would even go as far as to say that it’s in our nature as humans to feel fulfillment, and hence allow joy and happiness to come into our tiny lives.
But unfortunately, and too often, we cross beyond what’s necessary, and we start pursuing more — to an end which would no longer exist. I think we can find countless examples in our lives that support this, from the expensive designer clothes we wear and the excess food we consume, all the way to the latest phone we hold in our hands and the new amenities and decorations we have in our homes.
As a result, fulfillment becomes a means to an end. A goal that we have. We have been brought up since we were little to pursue fulfillment, and this is the norm. But the thing that I want to share with you all is that this shouldn’t be normal, because it’s not. Pursuing fulfillment only brings you false hope that whatever you do, or whatever milestone you achieve, it will bring you what it promises. But instead, it asks you to do more. To have more. To be more. At the core, it only brims with desire and greed. And in the end, you’ll never feel fulfilled.
Pursuing fulfillment only brings you false hope that whatever you do, or whatever milestone you achieve, it will bring you what it promises.
The thing is, contrary to love, fulfillment is a feeling. That’s why we say the words, sense of fulfillment. It’s a noun, not a verb. Fulfillment is an unintended by-product, not what you aim for. You achieve fulfillment after reaching a meaningful goal. It should never be the other way around. If you want to feel fulfilled, should you think about what you can do to achieve that? Do you see how tedious and mundane the latter sounds?
Here is my final resting case: when you actively pursue fulfillment, you acknowledge that your life as of right now is, in fact, not that.
In other words, the reason we criticize so much of our past and hold everything we’ve experienced with insignificance, and then think about how unfulfilled we are in our current age, is all because we are in denial of who we are now.
It’s about non-acceptance.
Non-accepting of your situation. Non-accepting of your circumstances. Non-accepting of your past — both your glories and failures. Non-accepting of your present life. Non-accepting of who you are. And now it’s to the point where you are non-accepting of the time that you have left in front of you.
So instead of asking yourself where has the time gone, ask yourself, how have I changed over these past years? And what can I learn about that time that can help me now to grow and build myself? Instead of asking yourself what you haven’t done, ask yourself, what can I do now? And what can I do about the time I have left in my life? It’s about acknowledging your past, accepting your present, and moving forward, as you are, onto the future.
These questions are a start. But if we want to truly change, we wouldn’t have to ask them. These questions are rooted in our pursuit for the sense of fulfillment, and the false lack of it we give to ourselves. You have to understand that you have access to your sense of fulfillment as we speak. It comes to you naturally and unintentionally by making good use of the time that you have right now, with the things you enjoy doing the most. Remember, fulfillment is a noun. Fulfillment is to be. Fulfillment is your present moment.
Indeed. Time isn’t slipping away. It’s right in front of you. Seize it. Take it by the horns. And don’t you — and I — ever dare to let go.
